I want to write about how I deal with my diagnosis and what cancer has taught me about life in hopes that maybe it will help someone with their own journey.
I basically knew I had cancer. Intuition, internet googling all lead me there and I finally got the biopsy. I knew I shouldn't have answered that call. I was a new associate, at a big four firm, at a client with a director and partner of my firm. I was already acting unprofessionally when I snuck out of the conference room to answer the call. Now what I knew became real. I immediately googled and all that stood out at me was INCURABLE. I broke down. I shut my lap top and left a note on my director's chair "Sorry I had to leave for a family emergency". That was the day I was deemed unreliable.
I didn't know what to do but I knew I could not sit at work. I actually think I went and picked up a dress for a wedding I was going to be in. I went home and sat in my bathroom and cried. Then I told myself I am going to give myself ONE DAY to be sad about this and move on tomorrow. And that's what I did. I still have occasional sad days. Some days you just have to let it all out but generally I live with this attitude- Anyone can die by getting hit by a car any day so I am not going to be sad because I have cancer and might die. I try to live my life to the fullest and enjoy each day. Be grateful for the days that I do feel good. A cancer diagnosis makes life and death very real. It makes you realize how precious your time here really is. It has made me stop worrying about minuscule matters and that has highly increased the quality of the life I am living. I am calm and at peace with myself and the world. Life isn't fair and it's never going to be. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can count all of your blessings. And I have many many blessings.